I'm falling to pieces.

Who am I? Where am I?

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding.

It's been such a long time since I've ever been this troubled. It's funny how I'm too lazy to tell others about it yet I need someone to listen to me. Suddenly regretting what I said that night but I really can't decide. Today was like the most awkward day ever sitting 3 hours beside him. Thousands of thoughts flowed through my mind and I was barely paying attention to the teacher. His body language tells me not to talk to him and I was feeling really fucked up because I didn't know what to do.
I don't get it. Why do all relationships end with both sides becoming enemies? Why can't we just remain as friends? It's sad to see that I'm going to end up losing my listening ear and helping hand. Maybe it was my fault from the beginning? Overwhelmed by the greed to be loved by someone. Now here we are, having our backs facing each other and trying to get over with our relationship.

Honestly, I've no idea why I did that that night... I guess letting my emotions take control of me isn't a good thing. But looking back, I kind of understood why I made that decision. I believe that it's better to break the sad news earlier? I don't want to end up getting into a serious relationship and then having to realise that he's not the one and witness him suffer even more. Maybe the chances aren't that slim but still, I don't want to raise his hopes all the way up. I just think that it's not right to make him fall so hard and then just dump him. Picturing myself in the future, I doubt I'll even be able to break the news to him once we're in a relationship. That probably means that I'll have to spend my entire life regretting. But I'm not really confident in the choice that I've made either... I feel like my mind's gonna blow up soon. Everyone is advicing me to do something but I've no idea who to listen to. I don't even trust myself now.

Things are getting really bad right now. My mood is being affected and I can't do anything. Pretty worried for ballet classes because there aren't many lessons left until my exams... Can't help but keep thinking about this haunting incident that keeps flashing through my mind. Each time, there's this sour feeling in my stomach and my headache starts again.... I need help but I don't really know who to turn to either. I'm just lost on my own island trying to find a way out..