信心跟勇气，最后是自己要给自己的

信心跟勇气，最后是自己要给自己的
因为你必须要相信你自己，这个信心勇气才会一直跟着你
如果信心跟勇气建立在别人给你的话， 你迟早会崩溃

One month into the summer holidays, and it has indeed been eventful. Started off with a family trip to Korea and it was a disaster as usual. It was a free an easy trip this time by ourselves and I had to one man tank the whole trip wew. Bad memories but ohwells so glad that it's over.

After Korea was Taiwan trip with friends!! Was super excited for this one because its the first time I'm legitly travelling with my friends and it was a self-funded trip so I felt really proud of myself. Had alot of fun this trip, 9 days of freedom felt really great. Super grateful for the friends I found through enginrag. Rode a scooter for the first time and the adrenaline rush was real wew. Couldn't have asked for better university friends. Spent alot of time laughing to myself while editing this vlog. When I looked at ourselves on camera, I know we all enjoyed ourselves and went all out retarded. So glad I decided to just pick up a new hobby aka videography. Definitely going to make sure I vlog my future trips in future. I wished I picked this hobby up earlier when I travelled like almost the whole of Europe with my family.. The hundreds of dollar I invested in the gimbal and lens definitely did not go to waste YAYY~

Right after I came back from Taiwan trip was engin camp. Really felt so emotionally drained and weak during this camp. Had high expectations for myself that I wanted to achieve as a leader but I eventually felt overwhelmed by it. Broke down on Day 2 of camp because I felt so useless. Thank you for the friends that listened to my rants and worries. Spent Day 3 and 4 trying to be a better house leader by hyping people up. I think I tried really hard during finale night. Definitely had a lot of fun and entertained people, but I felt so losted after finale night was over because I was having like a self-identity crisis. Like really, who am I and what am I doing here?

I think this question really stuck with me for the longest time. I know that I agreed to all my summer commitments in the first place because I had a goal that I wanted to achieve for each camp and each position that I held. Maybe I was expecting too much from myself? But I've recently been having too many life questions that are unresolved. Even during rag camp when I had to choose the freshies that I want to accept into urban, I was so losted because who am I to judge how well people can dance? Say reals the freshies this year are really of mehhh standard la but still, it felt so wrong for me to judge them. I just felt so stressed because the fate of the freshies are literally in my hands. On top of that alot of people wanted to join urban and I was afraid of rejecting people.

Managed to catch up with a few busy engin friends through the camps that I went. Glad for all the deep talks and life advices that gave me. Honestly seeing him makes me miss the relationships and feel confused. I would say that up till now its difficult to say if my decision was right or wrong but there are really alot of questions regarding relationships right now. We've always been waiting or looking for the one in our lives. But at a certain point in life, I ask myself what if the one never ever existed. I feel like its a matter of making the effort to overcome the differences in a relationship. Sounds easier said than done... Sometimes I ask myself what would have happened if I tried harder in both relationships.