Learn to let go a little

Been 9 months since I updated this place. There were times that I would come in and type away and then delete my texts because I couldn't write in words the proper feelings and thoughts that I had then. 

Time flies for real... I'm already in the second semester of year three. It's hard to believe that I'm going to graduate in a year. Honestly not ready to hunt for a job with my shitty CAP score and sustain my somewhat high standard of living given the amount of money in my bank account right now :') I've been calculating the amount of money I need to comfortably move out of the house, assuming that I'll be single. I can only say that the road ahead is a long one lemao. Been into stocks this year and slowly learn the ways. Adulting really is an amazing thing. Within the past year, I found myself doing the things that I never thought I ever would. I finally signed myself up for driving classes at BBDC. I'm still far from getting my license (I'm taking my BTT next week wow) but baby steps! Pretty proud of myself for actually pushing myself to do it. It's been an emotional rollercoaster the past AY, but I'm always grateful for the friends I have. Dealt with a lot of self-doubts, sad moments, angry moments and happy ones as well. I would say that as of today, I'm much more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. Obviously not ready to tackle the working world out there, but I personally feel like I've grown a little more mature over the past year. 

Took up the role of producer for my crew's dance production. To me, everything looked pretty straightforward at the beginning because all we had to do was closely follow last year's proposal and make sure that things will go well. But yeah, of course, covid is a pain in the ass, and here we are with Plan A B C D E F. The greatest takeaway from this, I would say, is PR skills. Obviously, my English isn't the best, and I've problems with structuring my sentence nicely and not sounding like a rude ass bitch. But yes, this role was a really tough push mentally. It was just constant planning and brainstorming for the multitudes of what-if situations for the past few months. Things are starting to come together now, and we're slightly more than 5 months to the production date. The greatest fear I have is just how I would be seen as doing a trashy job if things don't go well. People don't know what goes on behind the scenes, but yeah, that's just life and its something that I've to accept and not constantly want to be acknowledged for something.

Industrial attachment last semester was meh. Definitely learnt some stuff, but the bulk of my time there was just finding things to do or doing redundant work that the higher-ups asked us to. Thank god for friends during the internship. At least Uthman and Zak were there to entertain me and rant about the shitty jobs we had to do. Trying to find a summer internship for the past 3 months, and it's tough ._. Can't blame anyone but myself for my bad grades. Hope that I at least find a part-time job during the summer to earn some money and not rot at home. 

Not many updates to type. I don't want to rant about negative emotions here this time, so I guess I'm just going to end things here and tell my future self to continue hustling for the future life that I would like to have.