At a loss for words.

I was really happy after the guzheng exam ended because I was being released from the doors of hell. Right now, I'm feeling so shocked that I actually played like shit during the exam. I can't believe I screwed it up. I'm always constantly telling myself to treat it as a normal practise and play. But whenever it comes to exams and performances, I get really nervous. Stagefright maybe (?) I'm not sure ? I didn't really think that I'll have such a trauma till Guo suggested it. All I remember was when I was around 6 years old, I was performing at a dance concert and everyone laughed. That's probably the worse thing ever that happened to the young me. Now that I think of it, maybe I really do have stagefright because of that. *Sigh* I can't help but worry about next year's diploma because I'm probably going to be very nervous and screw it up once again because my fingers will just freeze and I can't play properly. 

Cousin coming over to Singapore tomorrow and we're flying off to Europe on the 6th. I'm feeling kinda weird (?) now because time is gonna pass god damn fast and I'll be Sec 3 soon. Currently worrying about ballet exams next March. I really wanna get at least a high merit. I guess I'm gonna write some lyrics tomorrow since I've got some inspiration after today.