Socially awkward

Yesterday went by really quickly. Was busy the whole morning with the concert stuffs and I had muscle aches.. So my ballet exam didn't really go well as I had expected, but at least it's over now? I thought that I'll be able to enjoy myself after it's finally over, but I think I'm quite lost right now because I don't have a motive to live. So many problems to face right now, and thinking about it gives me a headache. I just feel like pouring everything out to someone... But at the same time, I'm really lazy to do so too. What's wrong with me? Haha.. I think I'm such a joke! Can't help but wonder why I'm so stupid at times.. It's only March now and I already can't cope.
Was chatting with Miss Stacey and Miss Mellisa yesterday while they were tying my hair and I really realised the huge amount of passion they had for dance. They're already like twenty plus but they're still dancing and they're like studying overseas at the moment.. Kinda makes me wonder what I'm going to do with ballet even after I get my Diploma.. Maybe it'll just be a waste of time? Doubt I'll have to courage to take it up as my career though. I don't think it's worth damaging my body just to be the top few dancers in the region.
Wanted to go eat lunch with them just now but didn't really had the courage to ask so I guessed I kinda silently but regretfully walked away.. Haha I think I'm really such an idiot.
Now that CT and ballet exam are over, the only thing left now is SYF. Don't really know if we're screwed or not but I'm feeling really burdened because I don't want the CCA to crumple in my hands...